Hitting bottom is not like jumping into the deep end of the pool to touch your toes. It’s more like drowning. When you’re drowning, there’s no way out. Not without a hand. Josh Belfrage hit bottom, and he didn’t get a hand. But he did get wings.
As a blue-chip soccer prospect from Highlands Ranch, Belfrage was strong and fast, with the kind of talent American soccer is building upon.
When he was 18, Belfrage was already four years into the Olympic Development Program’s regional pool. He starred for the Colorado Rush academy team. He led Mountain Vista High School to its first playoff berth. He went to Marquette on scholarship. There are successful professionals in MLS with shorter résumés.
Then he nearly died — twice. And the second time, Belfrage nearly dying was perhaps the best thing that ever happened to him. In between, though, he hit bottom.
“For two years, I didn’t want to live,” he said. “I felt like everything — my whole life — had been taken away from me.”
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Belfrage, as a freshman, started five games for Marquette, tallying a goal and an assist. It was a promising start, but he struggled adjusting to life in Milwaukee and transferred to Oregon State after one semester.
In the summer after his freshman year, he was back in Denver training with the Rush for the national academy finals when his eyes became foggy. His vision was there, and gone. Then blackness. He collapsed on the field.
“Everything slowed down,” he said. “I thought I was going to die.”
The next thing he remembered seeing after the darkness was the ceiling of an ambulance, more than 30 minutes later. EMTs revived him.
Belfrage met with a series of doctors in Denver and Boston. They gave him a lot of shrugged shoulders. None of them could pinpoint exactly why he collapsed. But his resting heartbeat was slow. And heart issues are a big, red flag.
After several weeks, a Denver doctor settled on a diagnosis: an irregular heartbeat. He encouraged Belfrage to undergo heart surgery. Doctors opened up his chest and installed a defibrillator. Next time his heart fell out of rhythm, the pacemaker would save his life, they said.
But no more soccer. In absolute terms. Playing soccer could kill you, he was told.
“I was in shock about it all,” Belfrage said, “about how much I was about to miss soccer.”
Searching for purpose
It was the second time in Belfrage’s young life that something he loved was cheated from him. When he was 9, Belfrage’s father died. As a teen, Belfrage grew up angry. At 19, without soccer, he felt his purpose was gone.
“It was probably the darkest time I’ve experienced next to losing my husband, when Josh went down,” said Belfrage’s mother, Anne. “He was taken away from what he loved.”
Soon after, Belfrage hit bottom. He bought drugs. Drugs can be an easy way to fill the time when you’re sinking. There’s a reason they call it a high — for a minute, you may trick yourself into not feeling so low.
“I tried to find myself in things I shouldn’t. I was very lost,” he said. “It’s just a circle that never ends.”
He was always a good student. But instead of returning to college as a sophomore, Belfrage got a job at a golf course in Larkspur. No great shakes. But at least the golf was free. He dedicated himself to golf, and he had notions of trying to turn pro.
But for three years, he continued to sink. He needed a hand or a sign, something to hold onto. So he prayed.
“I was sick of doing drugs all the time and feeling like crap,” he admitted.
Last year, on the 203-yard, par-3 seventh at The Golf Club at Bear Dance, Belfrage sank a hole-in-one. Most golfers never hit a hole-in-one. And the few who do are so transformed by one shot.
Belfrage understood the ace as a sign. It was a spark of hope. It give him focus, nudging him to change his life. He quit the drugs and began going to church.
A few weeks later, during a shift on the driving range, Belfrage collapsed — just like the first time. He blacked out and nearly died. He woke up looking at the ceiling of an ambulance.
The defibrillator in Belfrage’s heart was supposed to keep this from happening. But the device wasn’t faulty.
Belfrage’s heart, it turned out, was healthy all along. He has hypoglycemia, or low blood sugar. He didn’t need heart surgery. He needed a good breakfast.
And he could start playing soccer again.
“There was no chance I wasn’t going to play soccer,” he said.
Back in the game
Right away, Belfrage wrote an e-mail to Metro State soccer coach Ken Parsons. Now in his 11th season with the Roadrunners, Parsons immediately recognized the name. He was around when Belfrage was tearing up the Colorado prep ranks.
“Five years later, he’s calling me. And I was trying to put the pieces back together,” Parsons said. “I knew who he was, and I knew what kind of player he was. I just never knew what happened to him after high school.”
Everything had happened. And Belfrage was ready to start over. This fall, as a 25-year-old sophomore, Belfrage leads Metro State (7-2) with six goals and has two assists. The Roadrunners are ranked No. 12 in the nation in NCAA Division II.
“In my mind, it’s a miracle,” said his mother. “He’s a good kid. What happened to him made him into a very nice young man.”
Growing up, Belfrage was surrounded by eagle trinkets. His dad collected them because he liked a verse from the Bible. It’s now Belfrage’s motto, he said, a gift from his dad. He knows Isaiah 40:31 by heart:
“Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.”
Belfrage fainted twice. The second time perhaps saved his life. Now he’s playing soccer again and has rediscovered a direction in his life. And last year, he got eagles’ wings tattooed on his shoulders.
“In a way, I did have a heart problem,” Belfrage said. “But I have so much to be thankful for. I’m playing soccer again, and I never thought that would happen. And I’m going to school. I’m on scholarship. This is huge. I’m blessed.”
Nick Groke: ngroke@denverpost.com or twitter.com/nickgroke
