Veteran party host and Denver Post staff writer Joey Bunch offers some tips on how to get invited back to next year’s Super Bowl party.
1. Show up an hour before the game and get your non-football clatter out of the way. There’s an unspoken kickoff rule: in your seat, with your plate, mouth shut, unless you have something smart to say about what just happened in the game. Got it?
2. Don’t bring wine unless you’re told to. It’s not that kind of thing. Beer, yes. But not anything fancy with a German name or tastes like turned fruit. On the other hand, don’t sip from a pint of liquor. It makes you look like a hobo or a bitter uncle.
3. Watch the halftime show. Ever since the Janet Jackson thing, guys watch the halftime show, too.
4. From the Book of “Seinfeld”: Don’t double-dip the chip.
5. Don’t have these things in vicinity of the game: chatty strangers; sharp, pointy things; an actual football that somebody is inevitably going to throw inside the house; a weepy drunk; friends going through a rough patch in their marriage; babies; hump-prone dogs; a Raiders fan.
6. Wearing a jersey is cool. Wearing the pants is taking it too far.
7. Don’t bring up that time Mork played a Broncos cheerleader on “Mork and Mindy” then segue into how sad it was when Robin Williams died.
8. Do a brother a favor and leave the toilet seat up.
9. No one should make themselves comfortable by unbuckling their pants.
10. Don’t try to console a fan. You’ll just make it worse. Do not, under any circumstances, say: “It’s just a game.” Just. Don’t.
