Ten years ago, I read a list on the internet that shaped how I lived for the next decade.
It was around the time of my 30th birthday. I was an unpaid intern at a newspaper, picking up essential skills, like making fun of myself for being a 30-year-old intern and telling anyone who said, “you’re an intern?” that I was also in the process of finishing my master’s degree. I had just moved back to Colorado and was already exhausted by people asking me whether I skied, because the answer was no. So I was already feeling behind in some ways when I read this list someone made of things he wanted to accomplish — and did — before he turned 30.
I can’t remember what was on his list. I only remember that it was big and ambitious, and that it made me wonder what the heck I had done with my 20s. So I sat down to make my own list of things I wanted to do before I turned 40.
I had never made a goals list before, so I’m still not sure why I thought this could work for me. But I was inspired, and everything I put on my list was more than a passing fancy — in fact, it didn’t take me long to come up with the list. All of it was already knocking about in my mind, looking for fruition.
It worked. I finished the list with time to spare. And since I recently turned 40, the list has been on my mind again, mostly because I’m working on my list for the next 10 years. But I’ve also been thinking about that list I read 10 years ago, the one that inspired my own list. It feels like I should pay this one forward somehow. At the very least, I can share how I got mine done.
Write it down. I took out a notebook and pen and put the list down on paper. Writing it down — and having the list stare right back at me — made it real.
There’s another benefit of writing it down: Ten years is a long time. Life is going to happen in the meantime. Written lists, though, will just sit there waiting for you to return.
Make reasonable goals. The first thing I put on my list was, “Finish your degree.”
In the years since I made the list, I’ve interviewed plenty of psychologists and fitness professionals about setting and maintaining goals. One of the things I’ve heard multiple times in those interviews is to make realistic goals. Since I was almost done with my degree, anyway, this one was almost too realistic and reasonable. But finishing it gave me a morale boost for tackling the rest of the list…which had a few unreasonable goals on it, like “write a book” — at the time I had no idea what I’d write a book about. Fortunately, I eventually had an idea, and thanks to the structure provided by National Novel Writing Month, I knocked out most of it in 30 days.
Embrace the humiliation. A good to-do list will probably stretch you beyond your comfort zone.
The second thing on my list was “learn to ski.” In my 30s. This took many tries and many winters: There were the fun but still embarrassing adult beginner classes on super-short skis at Loveland; shuffling up and down trails with the Colorado Mountain Club (with two amazing teachers who were in their 70s); abandoning a pair of telemark skis that I’d bought cheap off a colleague (terrible idea from the start); and faceplanting into powder, with a backpack on, like a giant tortoise on skis, while navigating an easy backcountry route above Breckenridge.
Finally, I found skate skiing, which I’m still not good at it, but I can do it and enjoy it. It was worth the humiliation. And thanks to all those other attempts, if a friend comes to visit and wants to go skiing, I can survive a day at a resort.
Be impulsive. I put “travel to Asia” on my list. I had vague notions of trekking in Nepal, or maybe temple-hopping in Thailand. Maybe I could ride the Trans-Siberian Railroad! I had no plan. Asia is big.
Goal-setting experts will tell you to be specific. But this vague one worked, because when the opportunity came up to go to Bali, via Hong Kong, I embraced it and checked another item off my list.
Kill something on the list. I didn’t give myself any rules when I did this. So when I realized at the midway point of the decade that one of my to-dos was no longer a good idea, I axed it. Just do it if you must, and don’t waste time feeling guilty about it — this is your list and you probably have more to do still.
Tell a friend. Just before my 36th birthday, I panicked. It’s much more traditional to freak out about a birthday with a zero in it, but my list insisted that (when did it take on a life of its own?) 36 was worthy because it officially marked the second half of the decade, and I still had some big things to do.
The biggest was “learn to play the violin.” Growing up, I played piano and clarinet. I knew it took years to learn to play an instrument.
I confessed to my friend Meg, who is a cello teacher, that this was on my list. She gave me the contact info for her friend Karla and then pestered me — you e-mailed, but did you call?
Goal-setting pros say you should share your goals with a friend or loved one so that person can help you stay accountable. They’re right.
Accept the unachievable. Karla became this dear soul in my life, and I fought back tears when, two years into our lessons, she told me she was moving away from Colorado.
I was 38, and I wasn’t done with “learn to play the violin” … was I? I hadn’t made this goal specific enough. I wanted to keep going, and I still had less than two years, so I sought out other teachers. But I failed to connect with them, and I couldn’t force it — work was eating up too much of my life then. Time was precious.
Some evenings, I played anyway, and on one of those evenings it hit me that I could play the violin — here I was, playing some Bach. I could even fiddle, a little. I was no pro, but I had learned to play the violin.
I checked it off the list. It was the last item.
For a time, I took a breather. I was ahead of schedule! But when I turned 39, I couldn’t help myself. I started thinking about the next list, for the next decade. Having a list is a habit now, and experience has taught me that completing each to-do is oh-so satisfying. I decided the next decade’s list should involve more giving — everything on my before-40 list, in hindsight, was purely selfish.
I have ideas, but nothing’s down on paper yet. I know, I need to get on it. Ten years feels like a shorter time span now. And I have a lot to do before I turn 50.
