“Talk to your kids,” Aurora Mayor Steve Hogan said at a press conference Friday following the movie theater shootings in which a dozen people were killed and many more were injured. “Let them know this is an isolated incident. It’s tragic, it’s horrible, but it’s isolated.”
As he points out, young people are dealing with fears and confusion about what happened and how to process it.
Organizations such as Aurora Mental Health Center are jumping in to help. The group’s administrative office will be staffed around the clock through the weekend for people who want to drop in and talk with counselors, and staffers are also available by phone 24 hours a day.
Keeping the lines of communication open is essential, whether you’re a nonprofit or a parent, says Kathie Snell, deputy director for family services at the mental health center.
“The most important thing is to encourage kids to talk,” she says. “Like adults, kids have unique personalities and styles of communication. Some are likely to want to start talking, others might be withdrawn.”
If they don’t bring up the topic and you want to find out what they’re thinking, “ask what they’ve heard and seen on TV and what they might be afraid of,” she recommends.
Most kids wonder, “Could this happen to me? ” Snell says.
“What we want to do is reinforce to kids that tragic incidents like this are uncommon. It was random and you’re not able to predict it. Children in their home and school on a daily basis need to know that they are safe,” she says.
It’s also important to maintain a routine and not dwell on bad news. “Limit their exposure to TV and pay attention to what they’re watching and what games they’re playing.”
Also observe their sleeping habits and appetite for changes, she says.
Response varies greatly by age and developmental stages, according to Snell. “Be aware of new fears that come up or seem more apparent in young children. With younger kids who have been potty-trained, there might be loss of bladder control again or they might be very clingy.”
With teenagers it can be distancing behavior. “They’ll become withdrawn or show more risk-taking behaviors,” Snell says.
At what point do you need to take a child or teen to a professional for counseling? “Part of it is time,” she says. “If those kind of symptoms continue and get in the way of normal life, it’s something to think about.”
She admits that it can be scary for people to ask for help, but just going for an assessment or evaluation can be reassuring. “They’ll find what’s a normal reaction.”
Indeed, feeling anxiety is typical when an event such as a mass shooting occurs, says Dr. Marianne Z. Wamboldt, chair of the psychiatry department at the University of Colorado Medical School. “Most people will get some acute stress,” she says.
Parents should allow children to express feelings in their own ways and not be judgmental about it, she says. “It’s normal for kids to play out the incident and reenact something like a shooting.” That’s how a child might process what happened, she says.
Wamboldt also says not to pressure a young person to talk about the incident if they don’t want to. “Let people select what they want to do,” she says.
Similarly, parents are allowed to express their feelings. “They can say, ‘I’m worried,’ or ‘I’m sad, but I can handle it,’ ” she says.
Overall, a good coping and healing strategy for families is to come up with something positive they can do, according to Wamboldt. “It might be to reach out to people in their neighborhood or church, to support programs that are helping make their community a safer place, to take more action about gun control.
“Just processing your feelings are only going to get you so far,” she says. “Assessing what your skill sets are and what you can do will make your feel much more in control.”
Suzanne S. Brown: 303-954-1697, sbrown@denverpost.com or twitter.com/suzannebro
Where to get help
Aurora Mental Health Center has 24-hour crisis lines open at 303-617-2300. It is also staffing its office around the clock at 11059 E. Bethany Drive, #200 through the weekend for those who want to meet with a counselor . Additional information on coping with trauma is at aumhc.org
