LONDON — Queen Elizabeth II jumped out of a helicopter Friday and the Arctic Monkeys butchered “Come Together.” In between, the London Olympics kicked off to the world with an opening ceremony that was one part British history lesson, one part music anthology and one part bad comedy.
London had a monumental act to follow in Beijing. It was stodgy British vs. artistic Chinese; wry humor vs. raw energy. While Beijing exploded like a firecracker, London went over like the dull bell Tour de France-winner Bradley Wiggins rang to open the ceremony.
A nation with a history of world-breaking politics made no political statements when so many people called for them.
On the 40th anniversary of the 1972 Munich massacre by Palestinian terrorists, the 11 Israelis who died were never mentioned.
It was tame, safe and, at times, dull. But an ending that featured Queen Elizabeth and Paul McCartney gave the evening a final little jump, which was needed as the show ended at 12:45 a.m. London time.
The queen’s first appearance came via video of a James Bond movie that showed British actor Daniel Craig picking up the queen and taking off with her in a helicopter. The next thing you know the pair are twirling out of the chopper — about the same time two paratroopers jumped out of a helicopter seemingly just a few thousand feet above Olympic Stadium.
The paratroopers didn’t land inside the stadium, which seemed somewhat symbolic as little in the ceremony really fit.
London tried. It gave us a fine history of Great Britain. Walking into the stadium, the 80,000 spectators saw the entire infield covered in lawns, wooden fences, gardens and a windmill. Yes, Great Britain began as a pastoral nation then gave mankind one of its greatest contributions, the Industrial Revolution.
Giant smokestacks filled the infield, billowing smoke into the cool air, which only briefly sprinkled during the evening. Watching the performance was Lizi Gray, a descendent of one of the Jarrow hunger marchers, who walked from Jarrow in County Durham to London to protest unemployment in 1936.
Then came tributes to Britain’s landmark National Health Service in which a fleet of giant beds and dancing patients ringed the 400-meter track. Reclusive British author J.K. Rowling of “Harry Potter” fame read from Peter Pan in a tribute to children’s literature.
The ceremony then slogged through a 20-minute musical anthology from the 1960s to today, with videos and a vague love story failing to move anyone but the dancers on stage.
This opening ceremony also may have set a recent record for fewest number of athletes. The ceremony began at 9 p.m. London time in order for darkness to come to this European country. Athletes were still waiting to file out of the stadium after 1 a.m.
Gold-medal fencer Mariel Zagunis carried the U.S. flag to a huge ovation, but nothing compared to the explosion and standing ovation three-time cycling gold medalist Chris Hoy received when he led in Great Britain.
Senegal outshined everyone — literally — with its electric yellow robes lighting up the stadium like lawn torches.
Fiji judo player Josalecki Naulu wore no shirt, no shorts and a grass skirt while carrying in the flag. Bahrain’s team wore spectacular, classy red satiny robes.
Meanwhile, the U.S. made a nod to its British hosts by sporting blue berets, similar to the ones worn by the 5,000 soldiers providing Olympic security, above blue blazers and white pants or skirts.
“I have never been prouder to be British,” declared LOCOG chairman Sebastian Coe, Great Britain’s two-time gold medalist in the 1,500.
IOC chairman Jacques Rogge entered the stadium with Queen Elizabeth II, who looked much better than Muhammad Ali, one of the honorary flag bearers. While the queen looked fit with vigor, Ali looked horribly mute, with dark glasses and a pained expression.
David Beckham, while getting passed over by Great Britain’s Olympic soccer team, made his only appearance by carrying the torch on a boat up the River Thames. But he didn’t light the caldron.
Neither did two-time Olympic decathlon champion Daley Thompson or five-time rowing gold medalist Steve Ferguson, two of the seven torch bearers.
It was seven teenagers who lit the torch, all nominated by one of those torch bearers and all excelling in sports.
The evening ended with McCartney singing a fine rendition of “Hey Jude.” It was a good ending to a shaky start, sort of like the lead up to these Games themselves.
John Henderson: 303-954-1299, jhenderson@denverpost.com or twitter.com/johnhendersondp
